“Rise above this, Rise above Emmy”

is what my dear mother stressed to me one afternoon ( hands clenched ever so tightly that I could feel her hand pulsing in mine) in her bedroom.

She talked of what she expected from her daughter. Her last moments of crucial parenting before she left for her new home in heaven. 

I sat down with a notepad in hand prepared to write down every word she told me and all i wrote was “rise above”- dated March 4th, 2009.

That one hazey afternoon we talked of life in the future. We were about to be separated worlds apart and she needed to know that I would carry on to the best of my ability. I made a promise in my head that day that I would “rise above”- I wouldn’t be that young woman who lost her mother and it broke her. I would be strong. I would rise above and show other’s that I conquered. Just like her.

Now.

Here comes the truth…

Just the other day I admitted to a dear friend with eyes filled with tears staring down to the ground that ”I am altered”

Her illness, her passing, my grief changed me in more ways that I can even begin to express.

In some ways, I see things in me that I wish more than anything I could change and I struggle with that. The fact that I am extremely sensitive and a constant worrier. Those two things alone have a profound impact in my life and - those two things are what makes me who I am. I shouldn’t struggle with my flaws- I should learn from them.

Grief is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

You ask yourself how I could say that?

My mother would tell you that Cancer was the same for her.

We learned to LIVE. to LOVE to a higher degree. to be grateful for every second we are given and to see this LIFE as the greatest gift. 

Our eyes opened in the darkest hour.

Death never took her away from us. Death could never separate us from our LOVE.

She was chosen to serve. and WE were chosen to fulfill.

She chose to “Rise Above” suffering.

Our past. What happens in our life impacts us in more ways than we may realize. God chooses what we endure. HE gives us hard work so that we can persevere,  feel things we never felt, love to a higher level and live a life of purpose.

My mother’s work was Cancer.

My work is Grief.

He chose us long before we chose HIM.

and I take my work that he has given me and try to turn it into something beautiful every single day for HER and for HIM.

There is light in suffering.

How great is our God.

Chose to “Rise Above”